} //

it's funny to think that things "just end" in one moment. once you got there, it's over.. no turning back. too bad you can't relive something like that anymore. haha.

well, the question is.. will it really "end just like that" tomorrow? i don't know.. maybe yes, maybe not.. wait.. let me think.. maybe it's my choice to make it end after all.. will i choose to forget it all and start a new beginning.. is that what they call "moving on"?

obviously, everything is not yet over. there are still those stuff that stay with us, whether we like it or not, for the rest of eternity. it's an interesting fact that we choose not to forget some things even we do not like them to be cherished forever. maybe it's because we are shaped and molded by our past adventures and experiences with or without different kinds of people. we are who we are now and tomorrow thanks to those experiences, all sorts of them.

apparently, i choose to cherish all things, good and bad, of yesterday... i seem to be wanting those memories to just be kept in these pages of time. not just for keepsake, but also to be the foundations of what will be the personal lessons for my future life.

the things i should have done before are things that i would not at least try to forget... how can i forget such stuff involving my own personal life.. stuff that makes long-term effects to my insides.. ah well, it's my own fault after all.. i should have been more assertive. but no.. i tried not to make mistakes... anyhow... maybe i'll just let time pass by wearing fake smiles and saying lies just to make all things seem well.

about my undisclosed things in life.. well... they're not much of secrets anymore.. it's been a great relief to have people tell about stuff. though they could have been not really caring about things like that... but still, there's this feeling of being talked to.. oh.. i feel like being loved.

but then there's always such a thing as recalling the past, wherein you just laugh because you realize how naive you were back then.. always doing what you think is right or doing what you simply like to do.. not even stopping for a second to think the aftermath of such actions... or rather, always thinking what would happen if i do this or i do that..

anyway, past is past.
present is present.
future is the combination of both.. or at least i think so.

ah. help me... T__T

grabe.. wala pa kong napapasign sa clearance... tapos yung mga kelangan gawin sa clearance, hindi ko pa nagagawa lahat.. tapos yung graduation.. grabe... rarr. hindi pa kami tapos magpractice... parang ewan lang... di ba nila alam na sa tuesday na yun... haha..

tapos ang gulo... grabe... di ko na alam gagawin ko... di na ko makapag-concentrate sa kung ano gagawin ko next... waah... tapos ang init pa... bwiset... grabe.. sana naman kasi mapansin ng mga tao na medyo mainit na yung mundo... kahit konti lang. tapos sana mapansin ng mga tao na medyo marunong din namang mag-isip ang iba at hindi naman sila parang robot lang na may nararamdaman bakal... sana maisip mapansin nila yun kahit konti lang.

haaaiii... ang init talaga... naiirita na ko... sobra... ang gulo talaga... grrr...

so.. yun... "nagdecide" na kong pumunta sa muon outing bukas... haha... para naman siguro may pahinga ako... kahit na i'm not really at rest here.... grawrr... wala... ewan ko.. di ko alam...

i hate you, i swear. :D

'Til the end I will be with you,
We will go where our dreams come true,
All the times that we have been through,
You will always be my best friends...


haii... ang saya magkaroon ng friends... haha.. tapos wala lang.. fun.
eh kasi... alala ko dati nung elementary... well.. meron akong friends.. duh.. pero wala eh... kelangan pang maging classmate para maging friends.. parang ganun... pero ngayon, ang galing.. kahit sino sa school, pwede maging friend... kung gusto nila. haha... saya.

tapos yun... kung wala akong naging friends, hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari sa kin sa buong stay ko sa pisay.. wahaha... eh kasi... ang dami kong na-experience dahil lang sa kanila.. haha. hmm.
- natuto akong magcram dahil sa influence ni tobit. haha.. pero ayos lang yun..
- natutunan kong maglaro ng volleyball.. salamat kay adrian.. hehe.. tapos yung dia swarm...
- marami akong nalaman na weird terms/expressions ... like... op, lss, bits, cheapshot.. etc.
- first tome kong pumunta sa isang concert!! omg.. influence ng people.. haha.
- nagkaroon ako ng friends na hindi ko naging kaklase ever... e.g. jk, max..
- first time kong hindi makakuha ng award... salamat kay kev.. haha.. overnight kasi eh... rawr. grabe.. sabi nya mga 8 nandun na kami sa pisay... tapos 12 na, paalis pa lang kami.. bleh..
- first time kong actually makakuha ng award.. salamat kay max... kahit na medyo walang connection yung pagovernight sa kanila... well.. kasi buti na lang pumayag sya na ibang araw na lang yung overnight. haha
- first time kong maging emo.. aww... o well.. haha..
- well.. nakakita at nakausap ako ng emo... na hindi ako... rar.
- nakausap ko rin yung isang sobrang nakakainis na tao... i.l.
- nakapag-prom ako! omg.. i.e. merong date at walang date... nyahahaha...
- i saw a shooting star... well. sobrang walang kinalaman sa pagkakaroon ng friends... pero.. hmm.. kasama ko yung mga muon people nung nakita ko yun eh.. hehe
- first time kong malayo away from home nang matagal... hehe.. dorm.. at field bio.
- hmm.. first time kong actually magsalita in front of people... about my life...
- i actually had fun without computer... thanks to them..
- natutunan kong magrubik's cube...
- first time kong mapa-iyak ng friend... grawr...

... oh... well... marami pa eh... hmm..
anyway.. my point is... iba siguro mangyayari sa kin kung wala akong naging friends... or kung iba yung mga naging friends ko... haha... you really are the best... 08.

how... anomalous. x___X

okei.. di naman sa tinatamad ako... pero ewan.. haha... nagka-dsl lang kami, madali na kong na-distract.... to not posting... dito sa blog ko... rawr.. katulad na lang ngayon.. hehe.. anyway..

(after 'a few' hours...)


hmmm... hindi rin naman mainly because distracted ako... well... wala namang nangyayaring kapost-post sa buhay ko recently... or at least.. wala akong ginagawa para may mangyari... grar..

so, tinanong ako ng isang person kung naniniwala ako sa wishes.... well, gusto ko ngang maniwala sa mga wish.. pero ewan... they're too good to be true... at uh.. hindi pa nangyayari yung ganun sa buhay ko eh.. at wala pa kong nakikitang wish na talagang nagka-totoo.... hehe.. pero dun magcatch nung mga white na maliit na lumulutang-lutang sa pisay... tas magwwish ka... so tawag pala dun wish... rawr... well.. dun hulihin yun.. haha.. pero ewan.. hindi naman talaga seryoso yung pagwish ko.. pero gusto ko naman mangyari talaga yun... pero ewan.... haha... labo...
so yung sinabi ko sa person na yun, kung may gusto akong mangyari, well.. gagawin ko na lang kung ano kaya ko para mangyari kung ano gusto ko...

(emo mode.. on)
well speaking of which.... kung ano lang kaya ko yung gagawin ko... kasi naman... bat ako gagawa ng stuff na hindi ko naman kaya!?... pero grabe eh... ewan... may gusto akong mangyari... tapos.. kaya ko naman gawin yun... pero ewan ko ba kung baket... hindi ko rin ginawa... tapos nagpapaka-emo na lang ako lagi dahil lang hindi ako gumagawa ng anything... grar... baket kaya... baka kulang lang yung desire ko?? ewan.. hindi naman ata... hmmm.... well... natatakot lang siguro ako... oo... yun... natatakot akong gumawa ng mali... grawr... grabe kasi.. ang perfectionst ko... waaahhh.. ayokong nagkakamali.... so baka yun yun...
well. kasi... ayoko nang maulit yung nangyari na... rawr... ayoko na eh.. kasi nakakasar yun... at yun... haiii... pano ba yan....
(emo mode.. off)

haha. may naalala ako... may nakwento sa kin na isang person... may principle sya sa buhay... well.. sabi nya raw, kung may kaya syang gawin, gagawin nya talaga... para in the end, hindi sya magsisisi na hindi nya ginawa yun... haha.. galing... ang daring nya sa lahat ng bagay.. hehe... gusto kong maging ganun.. pero o well...

...
haii... wala talaga akong malagay... ack.

the crossroad... four paths?

well that's the real question... apat lang ba yung choices na pagpipilian mo everytime na lost ka at hindi alam kung saan talaga pupunta?... ha..

anyway... fourth year... hmm... muonthebest08... yeah.. ang galing galing....
na-realize ko lang na galing yung name na yun dun sa piece nmen para dun sa paskorus.. haha... nakalagay '1st place muon the best'.... haha... parang ewan lang.... pero totoo naman eh... hehe... kasi.. uhh.. wala lang... super fun sa muon eh... kasi... uh.. err.... bakit nga ba ulet??

well.. one thing ay hindi ko na pala kaklase si jestine.. haha.... hindi kami nakaabot ng four years na magkaklase... haha.. o well.. tapos si aiki ay naging three years ko classmate pero hindi sunod-sunod.. err.. tas yun... di ko alam kung ano kinalaman nun sa pagiging masaya sa muonthebest08... haha..

anyway.. since nung day na pumasok ako sa muon.. inexpect ko na na magiging 'not normal' yung buong fourth year ko... well.. di ko lang sure kung in a bad way or in a good way... ewan ko... feeling ko lang magiging weird yung year ko... and guess what. weird nga.... ang daming nangyari.. tapos ang konti lang ng oras... tapos yun... sobrang dami kong nalaman, na-realize... na-witness...... tapos... ang daming nangyari around me tapos pinanood ko lang silang mag-pass by...

then yun.. may mga nangyaring super fun... pero may mga nangyari ring ring super sad/nakakainis... basta.. eh kse.. ganun nga yung life... (wat!?!?)

well anyhow.. good luck na lang sa kin sa college... haha... sana lang maging maayos na buhay ko... wahehehe

three dimensions, 1 thing...

hmm. well... natagalan pa bago bumalik yung internet dito.. pero anyway, eto na ulet...

third year... uhh... well, yung nilagay ko sa essay 7 ko sa eng... 'this is when i realized that life is not really the fairest game'... haha.. emo.. eh kasi naman eh...

err. cesium 08... rawr.. ano bang masasabi ko... uhhh.... well... fun nga.. pero.. ibang fun eh.. parang nung dati, fun pero ayos lang.. pero nung third year, kung may fun may consequence din na malupet.. haha.. parang.. uh.. class activities.. grabe.. yun na lang lagi naaalala ko sa third year.. yung ramayana... na daming kakainis na nangyari dahil sa kaartehan at kadramahan ng mga ibang kaklase ko... tapos meron naman dun sa non-conventional music... rawr.. puro meeting para 'magpractice' . tapos wala rin namang nangyayari... kaya yun... graar... tapos nagkaroon nman kami ng 'sayang hindi kami nanalo' na paskorus... grabe.. full effort na yun ng class... pero wala eh.. mas magaling lang talaga yung iba... pero grabe eh.. minsan lang talaga yun sa cesium.. yung full cooperation...

tapos ang emo pa ng buong third year ko..... kasi yun nga.... yun... tapos yun....

well.. anyway... nagmove-on naman ako... anyhow..